I think my stomach hurts from having to wait so long for the next installment of Downton Abbey. It’s kinda like when I wait too long to eat and get so so hungry that I wanna puke. Summer TV has been pretty bleak. SYTYCD has been my only source of live analog entertainment so I’m really excited for fall premiers and winter masterpiece classic programs (doesn’t the word programs sound more fancy than shows?) to resume. Have you ever just taken a moment to sit and think about how amazing Downton Abbey really is? I mean, it’s pretty much life changing. I grew up with PBS and all it encompasses quietly playing in the background of life. Mama Barb made sure that she never missed the latest Masterpiece Theater episode, This Old House, Mystery, or Victory Garden. Strangely enough, I find myself now loving these same types of shows. I’m glad really. They all offer so much. Home repair, gardening tips, and just plain ol’ wholesome entertainment. Downton Abbey especially. If this was the only show they played on TV, I think i would be just fine. I mean, I love me some Netflix with shows like Arrested Development, The Office and Spaced. They tickle my funny bone, but there is just something so soothing and mind altering about DA (I’m using abbreviations now). It’s an amazing display of how life was and should be: castles, horse drawn buggies (and cool old cars), extravagant gowns for breakfast, tea, lunch, dinner and evening family meetings. Remember my fancy post? They truly know the meaning of that word. So with my great anticipation for it’s wintery return, I devote this post to DA and all it has taught me. All I really need to know, I learned from Dowton Abbey…
1. British accents are pretty much awesome. As an American viewer, listening to a British accent is like hearing the sales associate from your favorite store tell you that you only owe a fraction of what you were planning on spending and then justifying to your husband later. A sweet, sweet sound.
2. It’s never too early or late for a party dress. Whether it’s early morning breakfast or late night tea, wearing your best dress (with jewelry and and updo) can really send the message that you are quite aware of what you look like when your hair comes down, make-up off, glasses on and retainer in. Please girl. No one really wants to see you like that. It’s 10pm. Where are your fancy heels?
3. Being a girl sometimes costs you cash money. Apparently boys are the only ones that can manage an estate. Look, just because you have a (insert version of your choosing) doesn’t mean that I can’t figure out how much to pay the help or how to entertain the distant cousins that will come to town, probably looking to marry me one day. How hard can running a castle really be?
4. Working in a kitchen full time looks crazy stressful. I’ve always thought shows like Hell’s Kitchen and….i don’t even know any other cooking shows because I’m usually too scared to watch them, were nasty insane. Seriously, they make me anxious. Everyone is always yelling and swearing. And sweating. ick. I’ll leave that up to Mrs. Patmore and crew.
5. Modern furniture is icky. If you watch Downton Abbey with your eyes open, like I do, then you’ll know that the furniture from the 1920s is much more stellar than any of the crap we gots now. Velvet and intricate carved wooden pieces. Why don’t furniture companies care about us anymore?
6. The youngest of the family is always the cutest. duh.
7. Trotting on a horse is so much more sexy than revving your engine. If my husband traded in our gas guzzling car for a horse, I would literally freak. Like out of complete happiness. And if I saw him trotting down the road to come pick me up from the elegant ball I was at with my girlfriends that he couldn’t make it to because he was smoking a cigar in his study while writing a letter to the king, I would probably faint from his sexiness.
8. Grandmas aren’t afraid to be honest. Violet Crawely, Dowager Countess of Grantham is such a witty little granny. She’s got an opinionated mouth, but always seems to give the best advice. She never lets anyone get away with anything stupid and always tells it like it is. “Oh, I do hope I’m interrupting something.” I hope I’m as cool as her and all other grannys out there when I’m old.
9. Maids would be nice. Jeez. I could become a professional blogger er somthin if I had more time because someone else was cleaning, cooking, and managing my home for me. My bed would always be made and my stairs wouldn’t have dust on them 24/7 and I wouldn’t have lint on the back of my shirt in that spot that I can’t reach. I can’t imagine someone helping me into my dress? I would never fall because my foot got stuck in my underwear ever again.
10. Living in a castle would be fancy, but totally unnecessary. You really only need enough space to sleep, eat and defecate… and watch Netflix. Trust me, I know. We have the smallest house with only a couple extra room, and we have no use for them. We really only hang out in the bedroom, bathroom, living room and kitchen. See, I told you. Plus, if you want to, you can rent the Downton Abbey castle for your upcoming wedding. I’m sure it’s only like 10 million dollars or something.
I’ve learned so much from this show and this is just a small smattering of wonders. If you haven’t watched the first two seasons, you really need to stop being a dummy and do it. You’ve got until January to get yourself prepared for the 3rd installment. I’ve already learned so much and I know I’ll learn so much more from the Crawleys and the downstairs help. It really is life changing, so start taking notes .
“Put that in your pipe and smoke it.”